I haven't written in so long, mostly because the internet Andy and I steal suddenly stopped working. We're pretty torn up about it. 

My days are busy lately, especially compared to last semester, when I would spend most of my time streaming television shows and pestering Andy to hang out with me. I'm technically only taking three classes this semester, which is awesome because two are 400-level and one is a graduate class with 9 people.  Renaissance Drama, Victorian Poetry, and "Literary Representations of the Racial Other." Not much to say, really. School is school and I'm pretty much over it. 

I'm getting three credits this semester interning at CHAX Press, where I package and ship book orders, help with bookmaking, organize bookshelves, collect donations at poetry readings, and do random odd jobs. It's pretty sweet working for a poet and the studio is in the same warehouse as Small Planet Bakery, so it always smells like bread. 

I started tutoring this Mexican dude that comes into my work in English. It's pretty adorable. I help him understand the books he's reading and check over the vocabulary worksheets he gets assigned at Pima. It's nice to make some extra money. 

I'm currently on no medications. Fuck that. I'm seeing a hippy psychiatrist and she is awesome. 

Other than that, lately I just sit in my freezing house and read. 

Image Dump

I'm writing to mark the first day of my adventures in medicating and treating whatever the fuck has been wrong with me this winter break. I'm on antidepressants and seeing a therapist, yay? TMI? I don't really give a shit. My personal philosophy for a while now has been to be completely, and most of the time painfully, honest with people, so there you go. I never quibbled with teenage angst in high school, so maybe it's catching up to me, you know? That's how I try to rationalize all the bullshit that's been happening to me lately. Truthfully, I feel like I shouldn't be on antidepressants, but whatever. I spent all day at the doctor's yesterday getting blood tests and taking mental health tests, so I guess I'll take her word for it. In case you're wondering what's wrong with me: my heart rate is abnormally high, I have anxiety, and severe insomnia. It started during winter break, completely randomly. At first I didn't think much of it, but after I had gone 4 nights in a row without sleeping, I started freaking out a bit. It took me 3 weeks to finally see a doctor too, so fuck that. Anyway, that's what's going on with me. Feel free to bitch about your own life as much as possible to me, I'd actually appreciate that. 

Quote of the Day

 This is my favorite passage from a really great post-modern book, White Noise by Don DeLillo:

"Our pretense is a dedication. Someone must appear to believe. Our lives are no less serious than if we professed real faith, real belief. As belief shrinks from the world, people find it more necessary than ever that someone believe. Wild-eyed men in caves. Nuns in black. Monks who do not speak. We are left to believe. Fools, children. Those who have abandoned belief must still believe in us. They are sure that they are right not to believe but they know belief must not fade completely. Hell is when no one believes. There must always be believers. Fools, idiots, those who hear voices, those who speak in tongues. We are your lunatics. We surrender our lives to make your nonbelief possible. You are sure that you are right but you don't want everyone to think as you do. There is no truth without fools. We are your fools, your madwomen, rising at dawn to pray, lighting candles, asking statues for good health, long life."

Can't Femmes and Vegans Live in Harmony?

I don't want to get all political on you here, but I just found this video from the Onion that expresses my opinions on PETA quite well.  I've been a vegetarian for years and I believe in and support animal rights 100%, but PETA will never earn my respect. I agree with their message, but not their execution. Dehumanizing and sexualizing women to grab attention is never okay. That said, I really hate the reactions to PETA ads that I read on feminist blogs, which are usually along the lines of, "fuck PETA I'm going to enjoy a massive steak now." I'm so tired of meat eaters cloaking their guilt of killing animals and supporting a harmful, inhumane system by glorifying food. It's not cute.  

Also, why doesn't my spellcheck recognize the word "vegans?" Really?

I know, I sound like such a bleeding-heart hippy, don't I? I should go back to listening to The Fame Monster.  

Beyonce + Gaga

I was pretty psyched for Video Phone to come out because although I'm outwardly in love with Lady Gaga, Beyonce has always had a pretty big piece of my heart. What can I say? I grew up bumping Destiny's Child (CUZ YOU A BUGABOO, A BUGABOO [I'm effing sorry]!) and deep down I know I'd go gay for her if given the chance. 

I thought the combination Gaga and Sasha Fierce would blow my mind, but to echo the opinions of other people, Video Phone left me feeling a little underwhelmed. My main problems with it are the lack of Gaga, some really fug outfits on Beyonce, and Lady Gaga's plastered hookerface makeup, which has evidently become her "natural" look. Gross. 

I can forgive and forget, though. I really love the Tarantino feel, especially in the beginning. The choreography is pretty half-assed but some parts are cool...I like the camera-head men. I think what basically saves everything is Beyonce's look at 2:53. Uh...cholla Bettie Page? God yes, dude. I want a fucking wig. 

Beyoncé - New Music - More Music Videos

In other news, I've been watching a lot of Tarantino films in my literary analysis class and I need to see Inglourious Basterds again. I've developed a slightly creepy crush on Christoph Waltz. What can I say? I'm obsessed with older men, but not Nazis. Whatever. His under-bite is so endearing. 

Oh my god, guys, he is so adorable in real life, too.

 

 Lah, lah, love

Guys, can we please talk about Bad Romance??

Gah, I'm beyond obsessed. I like the video so much, I think I'm starting to like the song, too, which surprises me. 

I told someone I could list over 10 things that are genius about the video, so take note:

1. 

Razor blade glasses.

2. Lady Gaga lap dance at 2:41.  

3. Sign of the cross dance at 3:18. Brilliant.

 

4.   Head-to-toe McQueen-adillo plus claw-hand. 

5. Albino animalss (hairless sphinx, dead bat in the nakee scenes, and her bear robe, unless you want to say it's a polar bear). 

6. Tranny look at 4:06.

7. BOOTY at 4:18. 

8. I wish I had a screen cap of my second favorite outfit (first is the McQueen-adillo, obviously), the red one. Very Leeloo Dallas Multipass ala The Fifth Element. 

9.  Um, yes.

10. Overall, I just really dig the many themes of the video. The concept of Russian human trafficking, the multiple religious references, Where the Wild Things Are influence, this outfit's manifestation. There are probably a million more I overlooked. 

Video stills are from here.